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Archive for the ‘Trance Journal 1’ Category

I’ve been working in trance/meditation lately, looking for a more active guide – I have a stable mental grove, and lots of things come to visit me there, but I am rarely led to leave the boundaries of that space, and I know I need to be able to do that kind of journeying as I work toward my Clergy vocation and eventually my Initiate’s work.

So I’m doing a lot of listening, and seeing who shows up, and I have an ancestor who seems interested (not surprising) but his work is very internally focused, so we often do work within my mental grove instead of going out into the Worlds. But I seem to have another spirit guide who wants to help, and this one is … uh … well. She’s showing up as a brindle and white French Bulldog. Which has got to be the most unimpressive spirit guide ever. But she keeps nudging me towards the boundaries of my space, so I’m going to try following her and seeing where we go.

I’ve always maintained that I was the worlds most dunderheaded trance/meditation spirit worker. Now, apparently, I am attracting adorable puppies as spirit guides.

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The part that I *didn’t* share on Facebook? And that makes me feel like I”m a total whackjob barking moonbat?

Is that this little french bulldog started showing up after I added Carrie Fisher to my regular ancestor offerings after Hallows. (It’s traditional to refrain from honoring the dead from the last year until Hallows, so I hadn’t been making offerings for her, but I did a big public one at Hallows, and then ordered an “icon” of her and have her up on my shrine.) I don’t think the bulldog _IS_ Carrie, but I’m kinda wondering if she sent me a puppy.

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It’s just weird and a big adjustment because I have longstanding relationships with rabbit, owl, rooster, and toad. So I always expected if I was going to have a spirit ally that was going to lead me into the worlds, it would be something like that. An animal I already have an affinity with, not one that I think is utterly ridiculous and silly and kind of … well, ridiculous. (And I’ve had plenty of experiences in my mental grove with ALL of those animals, but they clearly came THERE to VISIT me. Whereas this bulldog? she wants to GO PLACES. SEE ALL THE THINGS.)

So I have a new adventure buddy, and we’re gonna go explore all the things. I really do think she’s a good fit, because she’s quirky and inquisitive, and dogs make great companions – all things that I’ve needed in my spiritual life. I need an enthusiastic friend who will encourage me to take risks, and who will – if needed – be very protective if we get into trouble.

But I still feel pretty silly about it.

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Writing this up so that I remember it for posterity. Not sure what the end result will be.

I don’t often remember dreams, and when I do they are usually gone within a few minutes of my waking up. This one has stuck with me now for awhile, and I want to get it written down so that I don’t forget it.

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I dreamed I was going through an ordeal – in the original sense – a test of sorts, where I had to pass a certain number of gates. I was on a long and winding path, and there were ten total gates that I had to pass through. (It was very important that there were ten.) Each one had a gate guardian who was tending a fire at the gate, and the only way to go forward on the path was to pass through. The gates had tall sides, and were blueish-purple and swirly, like portals, but they were (to my mind) clearly “gates” I had to pass through.

I passed through the first four without incident or really memory. I just know that they felt “easy” and that I didn’t have any trouble getting through them. When I got to the fifth gate, my FB friend Cat Heath was the gate guardian, tending her fire.

Except I couldn’t get through. I threw myself at it and bounced off or slid down or fell. I did this for some time, until I was bruised and battered and lying in a heap at the foot of this impassable gate. And Cat looked down at me and said “Well, clearly you’re not ready for this.”

And I woke up.

My first thought was, “Well fuck, I didn’t even make it halfway through before I failed.”

Sometime later in the day, with the dream still on my mind, I went to lay down and see if I could get back into dream-space and ask some questions and maybe look around a bit, and I was immediately back into the space in the dream, lying at the foot of the fifth gate.

And I asked Cat why I wasn’t ready, and what I needed to do. She looked at me, a little puzzled for a moment, and the said “The slow blade penetrates the shield.” She turned back to the fire.

I hauled myself up, approached the gate, and then slowly – painfully slowly- began to push my hand through the gate. And it worked. After some time, my hand was able to pass through.

And then I snapped back to reality again.

*****

I have taken this to mean that it’s time to slow down, that things will happen in their time (whether I’m talking about my clergy work or my divorce or any other thing in my life). Talking with other priests makes me think that this is especially related to my clergy training, but I think there’s more to it. Also that this isn’t something I can force – that I must – MUST- go slowly and force myself to take the time that it takes to be ready for what is coming next. Which is a hard lesson for me, but I will take it as a good sign that my divination on this has been very favorable since I had the dream.

I am still looking for a good diviner to confirm my suspicions, so if that’s you, please get in touch with me. I’d love to get an outside confirmation on what I think is really going on here.

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I thought for this week that I’d provide a bit of trance journaling that I did after some work in my Mental Grove. This is not quite a full fledged trance journey, but does involve my closest ancestor spirit guide, and is a good example of one of the ways I use trance to try to help me with mundane world problems.

***

Mentally and emotionally this was another hard week, but I did continue to practice Trance and even work a little magic. This time they were mostly separate, with the Trance being a working I was doing to go have a communication with a spirit ally (Ruby Olar, a deceased professor from college who I had a specially connection to in life and who has been a willing and eager spirit ally in death). I wanted to make sure I was making a decision to be true to myself, and so I set out to go to my Mental Grove and hopefully call to him and have a conversation with him.

My mental grove is as it always is – seasons don’t seem to have meaning here, which makes some sense, as the tree that I see in my grove is a massive Live Oak, with huge sprawling arms, like the Seven Sisters Oak or A&M’s Century Tree. The branches totally enclose the grove, setting it off from the rest of the otherworld, and so I find that I can truly relax there. After several years of practice, it has become my “home” in trance. There is a fire in a wide stone circle, firewood for tending it (neither of which ever seems to go out) and a spring that burbles up from the ground, over a round rock, and down over several rocky little pathways to the edge of the tree branches.

I did a progressive relaxation exercise to begin, and then called up the mists, and then allowed my mind to materialize into my Grove, where I found it peaceful and quiet. The light in my mental grove is often ambiguous, but this time it was clearly liminal – I believe dusk, by the way that my interactions went. I spoke to the grove, which has several inhabitants that come and go, including a large brown and white rabbit, a barred owl, a couple of different toads, and a stag. Tonight it was just the rabbit, who seems happy to be there most of the time. She and I said our greetings, and I settled myself down to the fire, and said to the grove “I would like to speak to Ruby Olar”.

Sometimes this works, and other times it doesn’t, but tonight it did work, and Ruby walked in through a small gap in the tree limbs, as spry and light on his feet as ever. A dancer and martial artist in life, I recognize Ruby as much by his face and his voice as I do by the way that he moves – a trait that stuck with him in the afterlife.

We had a long conversation, that I will not document here, but where he told me several times that I needed to “be in the moment” and that while I should be proud of being a “force of nature” to remember that nature is both still as a mountain and flows like the river. I don’t remember precisely what he told me in answer to my questions, but after a good few minutes of conversation we fell into a companionable silence. He ended the encounter by standing, and – like he did in life, and like he has always done in my grove – asking if I wanted a hug. I always accept (but he still always asks), and then he disappeared into the mists outside the grove.

I sat in the grove for awhile, made offerings of incense and whisky to the fire in thanks for my conversation with Ruby, and then allowed the grove to disappear into mists in my mind and brought myself back to my body, lying on my floor.

The journey took about 30 minutes total, and when I was done I felt both refreshed and tired. I had a cup of tea and some yogurt, and left the lamp burning on my altar long after I was done with my working.

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